Everyone has heard these cliché golf sayings while out on the links and have certainly said them as well. Yours truly is also guilty of muttering most of these at some point in my golf life. While most are perfectly normal, some are also pretty annoying. I thought we’d have some fun this week and look into what we really mean when these lines leave our mouths while playing the game we love to hate.

Hit a house: You hit that with the finesse of Thor’s hammer and it may roll off the green and into the bunker.

Great shot from there: That lie was so bad I can’t believe you hit it farther than 10 feet.

Pick it up: I can’t watch you 4-putt again. Get that ball out of my sight.

That’ll play: You hit that so bad I can’t believe it’s in the fairway.

You’ll be fine over there: You hit is so far offline that there’s no trouble where you are.

Good swing: After watching you play the last 12 holes I didn’t know you were capable of making a swing that looked decent.

Good miss: You hit that so bad it has no business being in the fairway.

Get up: You chunked the sh*t out of that.                                                               

Get down: You skulled the sh*t out of that.

Just drop it where you think it went in: I am tired of looking for your golf balls.

You had the line: You’re 6 feet short.

Nice speed: You read that break horribly.

We’re getting our money’s worth today:  We suck and should never be on a golf course this expensive.

Get left: You sliced that so far right.

Get right: You hooked that so far left.

Get legs: That has no chance of making the green.

I didn’t get a chance to hit any balls before the round: I double-bogeyed the first 5 holes.

The putting green was slower than the actual greens: I can’t stop 3-putting.

I hate Bermuda grass: I’ve duffed every chip.

The sand is rock hard: Just leave me in here to die.

A bad day on the golf course is better than a good day at the office: I hate my life, kill me.

That shot will bring you back: Congrats, you waited till the last hole to finally hit a good one.

Hit it, Alice: You’re a wimp. Not acceptable in 2021.

Does your wife play golf? See above.

That sounded good: You hit it on the screws but its 40 yards offline.

There are no pictures on the scorecard: That was the ugliest par in the history of golf.

And lastly, if someone waggles and knocks the ball off the tee at address, and you say “one” out loud…I’m punching you square in the mouth. It’s the most annoying golf joke in the game, and it is in fact, not one according to the rules of golf.

Enjoy the game and each other,

Seth Zipay – Head Golf Professional